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November 5, 2018

I'll try and do better with writing these emails. But there is almost no desire to write to anyone anymore unfortunately. I have all these people reaching out and emailing me but I don't even feel like responding. Little warning right now, this email is more than likely going to be short. I had a longer email written of just more pure venting and I couldn't send it so I deleted it. I got a call from President Taylor about you and Dad reaching out, and I am very grateful for that. I'm trying, but holy crap I don't know how much I can handle. We literally ended up every single day walking for about 4 to 5 hours just trying to talk to people because we have no appointments and no members trying to help us. I am quite literally waiting for a miracle to fall out of the sky. But I did realize something.

Next Preparation Day is going to be on Wednesday because of our temple trip next week so thats a heads up. I loved getting the emails from you and Dad these past couple of days. They've helped out a ton. I'm glad to hear how Grant, Bryson, and Savannah have been doing as well. I dont think I got the package yet, but I'll probably get it either tomorrow or next week depending on what happens. But that is super neat to hear about Garrett and everyone else.

The one thing I struggle with the most is opening my mouth to everyone that I see. Since I still am super shy and awkward to talking with people I have almost no social skills. But thankfully over time I've started to talk more and more and its been progressing really slowly. Now I've started to notice in some situations the Spirit is giving me things to say I just struggle trying to open my mouth and actually say those things. Have you ever had moments like that? And if so what helped you most in just actually doing those things. Because right now I truly believe that I have a broken heart and have been broken for sometime now. And now I just have to keep enduring, even if it really really hurts.

I'm just trying to figure out what to do. Elder Singleton refuses to be wrong in anything, he will quite literally argue to the death for him to be right, and when he is he shoves it in your face. And I am getting really sick and tired of it. Especially when I am doing everything within my power to not point out his flaws or problems... I need all the help I can get out here because I am getting sick of it. 

I am honestly running out of things to talk about. And I am sorry for that. A lot of people have been emailing me back as well and it doesnt help that I dont want to email or respond. So if anyone asks just tell em I do read them, and I do appreciate them. I LOVE YOU MOMMA!! Tell everyone I love em.

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